Tiger at the Masters: 'I'll
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have to watch what I say

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on TV' - Peter Alliss

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FROM THE SCOTSMAN WEBSITE
Peter Alliss is 79-years-old. Or, as he prefers to put it, "seven-over-par". In a week's time, he'll be heading for Georgia to tee off his 23rd season as the BBC's main golf commentator. Covering events like The Masters have almost become second nature to Alliss yet, on this occasion, he admits to feeling a sense of trepidation.
The reason is the name on everyone's lips. Unlike most, however, Alliss isn't too worried that Tiger Woods might not be strong enough mentally to be making his return after a near five-month absence at the opening major of the season. His concern is about the words he utters when the world No1 is framed within the TV cameras at Augusta National.
Famed for his flippant remarks, Alliss was going about some business quietly recently when, out of the blue, it dawned on him. Woods won't be the only person in the spotlight at The Masters. A word out of place by commentators, he says, could have disastrous consequences.
"I've got to be very mindful in two weeks time about what I say," he remarked. "I can sometimes get a bit silly, romantic or whatever. I will have to be very mindful that I am not too flippant, I'm not too supportive, I'm not too down on him. It's almost (got to be] as if nothing has ever happened.
"I would think it could be one of the biggest tests of my career. I hadn't thought about it until the last two weeks, to be honest, but I've got to be very careful because I could destroy myself. And I'm not going to do that after 40 years on bloody Tiger Woods' sh******."
Every man and his dog has wanted to talk to Alliss about Woods over the last few months. During a visit to Glasgow before Christmas to attend a lunch hosted by the Scottish Region of the PGA, he suggested the world's top golfer should appear on a celebrity chat show and confess he was a sex addict.
"It would appear that if you declare yourself as an addict of something in America and have treatment for it, you get sympathy," said Alliss back then. "If he's going to declare he's a sex addict, like Michael Douglas, the actor did, and went to a clinic for treatment, and says he is trying to get back on track, that could be in his favour."
While Woods has stopped short of admitting to such an addiction, the 34-year-old has been receiving therapy. Alliss, though, still shakes his head in disbelief any time he reflects on the spectacular nature of Woods seeing his life fall apart.
"I know there are certain people addicted to certain things – that's a fact of life," he said. "Some people are addicted to sunbeds or sunshine, others to gardening or booze or something. However, I think for a man it is very difficult to be addicted to sex.
"In a way, and this is just an opinion that may be unfounded, I get the feeling that Tiger might have been suppressed as a kid under his father's thumb and under his mother's guidance, almost prepared to be a Catholic celibate priest, you might say, until, he became the kiddie in the sweetie shop.
"They were all there and he found he could have anyone he wanted. As for his selection of women, for an intelligent man and probably one of the 20 most famous faces in the world, how he thought he could go to places that were a little bit, well you know what, and get away with it is beyond my comprehension."
Warming to the theme, Alliss added: "It's almost as if he's done this ten years too late (in life]. In doing so, his behaviour has thrown a cloak of tardiness over his life."
Even Alliss has been surprised by the enormity of the story. "I know plenty of golfers who've sh***** more women than he's ever waved a stick at but no-one has ever known anything about it," he remarked.
"Because he was found out and who he is – and also because of the press we live with today – it's a huge story. It's been as big a bloody story as the world recession, for goodness sake. Tiger's been doing this, he's been doing that is all we've heard for weeks now."
It's likely to be pretty much all we'll be hearing over the next couple of weeks as well. After endless speculation, Woods has decided to make his comeback in the full glare of the opening major of the season.
"His presence at The Masters could take away from the tournament, it certainly could," observed Alliss. "It would have been very interesting if the Augusta people had said, 'sorry we aren't accepting your entry' but that would have been construed as being very petty.
"Nevertheless, I think they are in a position to get a member of the committee to tell him, 'Mr Woods, you have come to our club and you will behave yourself otherwise you might not get back'.
"Although he has won there in the past, if he mucks it up, then he might not be invited back again. I think they have an opportunity to fire a shot across his bows without letting the world know about it."
Woods was criticised for making his first public statement since admitting "transgressions" during the Accenture World Match Play Championship earlier in the year. Last weekend, he gave his first TV interviews on the final day of another big tournament.
"When Ernie Els said Tiger was 'selfish' I thought that was a bit of a childish thing to say at first. But he's right," said Alliss. "He could have taken away a bit of the glamour from (Jim] Furyk (the winner of last week's Transitions Championship], though I don't think Jim would really have minded because he's off with the cheque.
"You could easily say Tiger has always been selfish. But that's what life is about. People are selfish. Whether you are Branson with his Virgin brand or whoever. Everything these people do is done is motivated to do something for them."
Perhaps it was the Yorkshire air – he was at Oulton Hall on the outskirts of Leeds to launch a new golf membership concept for the De Vere Group – or, alternatively, it may have been another example of him not caring these days about being politically correct. Whatever the reason, "The Scotsman" seemed to catch Alliss on a day when he was keen to express robust opinions.
The Masters tournament itself got him a bit hot and bothered, though not nearly as much, bizarrely, as the literacy rates in Scotland or, to a lesser extent, the lack of Scottish support for an event he has hosted in the home of golf for more than 20 years.
"While I would defend the Augusta people with my dying breath, they are a strange bunch and I certainly don't agree with everything they do," he opined. "There are certain things I would do at Augusta that I think would make it better. In fact, I have written to them but have never even had a reply.
"I found it interesting having been there for 40 years, for example, that there was that great furore a few years ago about the old stars taking up places in the field. I would still want them to be there and I would have a competition for them that started at the tenth.
"There are 30,000 people in there each day from 9am yet they go down the bottom of the course and don't see any golf for five hours. Put the old boys off at the tenth, put them off front tees and give them buggies if they want. They'd play nine holes every day and at the end of it present the winner with a piece of Waterford Crystal.
"You're not telling me that a cavalcade of champions, if you like, would detract from the occasion. I'm sure the spectators would love it. I think it would be a cracking idea."
While born in Germany and regarded by many as standing for middle England, Alliss has an affinity for Scotland. His father, Percy, served with the Argyll & Sutherland Highlanders in the First World War, Alliss himself won the Tooting Bec Cup (awarded to the PGA member with the lowest single-round score) for a 67 at Muirfield in the 1959 Open and many of his most treasured commentaries have been on Scottish soil.
He obviously keeps a close eye on non-golfing matters north of the Border, too. In an extraordinary response to a straightforward golf question about whether he felt it was a disappointment that, for the third year running, Sandy Lyle would be flying the Saltire on his own at The Masters, Alliss launched into an unsolicited social commentary on 21st century Scotland.
"The biggest disappointment for me about Scotland in the last ten years – and I am listening to all this bull**** coming out from the government about education being wonderful – is that Scotland has 17 per cent illiteracy at the moment," he said in reply.
"I'm reading this and telling myself, 'hold on a minute, calm down'. When I was a young lad 50 years ago, the Scots took education and engineering around the bloody world. Yet now I'm reading about this level of illiteracy and I can't believe it.
"If I were a Scot, I'd be saying: 'Hang on a minute, this is ridiculous.' We used to be 100 per cent literacy'."
Turning his attention to the Alliss Masters, an annual event held at Elie to raise money for powered wheelchairs, he added: "I love Scotland but I find many things about Scotland strange. I've done an Alliss Masters at Elie for 23 years and we've given away hundreds of powered wheelchairs as a result of that event.
"However, not one Scottish club contributes. My partner in the event, Dr Hamish McLeod, says he can't understand that and I can't either. It is extraordinary, as the Scots are so passionate about some things."
When Alliss eventually gets on to talking about Lyle, it has nothing to do with The Masters. "If I was Sandy Lyle, I think I would be disappointed with the cards I'd been dealt," he remarked. "Maybe something has happened behind scenes I don't know about. I've heard it rumoured that his wife isn't popular but that can't be right. She's always been all right with me.
"Whether Sandy has been too English, too docile or something, I don't know. But, he deserved to be Ryder Cup captain. I deserved to be Ryder Cup captain yet never had a look in. Neither has Sandy – and he won't get it now."
Alliss has seen it and done it. A professional at 16, winner of 23 major tournaments and member of eight Ryder Cup teams, he has worked for the BBC at every Open since 1961, having been signed up by the corporation after Ray Lakeland, a producer, sat near him on a flight from Dublin and marvelled at his humour.
A few years ago a newspaper organised a poll asking readers to vote on whether Alliss was past his sell-by date and should he go. They were compelled to announce that it was eight to one in favour of Alliss staying. A member of the staff phoned him to whisper that the real figure was more than 10 to one.
Alliss will head for Augusta National – he has high hopes of commentating on a British winner this year, with Rory McIlroy and Ross Fisher the two players he believes have the game to do well there – with a heavy heart following the death earlier this week of Harry Carpenter, a former member of the BBC golf team.
"I was talking about Harry today and I nearly had a tear. Heck, I'm going to do it now," said Alliss. "I have never thought about death and I am 80 next birthday. I don't feel 80 and I feel I can hold conversations with anyone about myriad subjects. I want to pack it in before they say it is time to go.
"They ended Harry's time without telling him properly. I was at the Dunhill Cup at St Andrews and one of the stage hands came up and asked me if I knew that this was Harry's last tournament. I'm supposed to be one of the stars yet a stage hand knew before me and, sure enough, his contract had come to an end and no-one called him, and they let him go."
+The full article above appears in The Scotsman newspaper today.